Because I had no idea what the expression “today years old meant.” — Even Millennials get old, OK, Boomer? You happy now? I bet you didn’t know what “today years old” meant either, you old codger. It’s a TikTok thing I guess, which is why I never heard of it. I’m not really that into TikTok because, well, it’s communist. But this is…

And no, there is no friend-link to this “article” — You’ve run out of free access my friend. But if you make a commitment RIGHT NOW, you’ll not only get all the access you want, you’ll also get this FREE tote. I know committing to stuff is hard and makes you feel tired and a little bit scared. I get…

But she kicks ass at writing for my day job. — For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m really living in the sci-fi future. ChatGPT just did all my work for the month in about half an hour. Together we designed and wrote everything for the marketing campaign for this company I work for (no, you will…

And it’s not because you were being “promiscuous.” — Excuses are a wonderful thing. As soon as we get caught doing something, what’s the first thing we do? Look for excuses. It’s just human. So this guy named Russel Brand is being accused of rape by a bunch of women. My writing teacher told me this one. If you…

Susanna Gibson and other supreme marketing geniuses for the week. — Here are three people who understand marketing in the moment that is 2023. Branding isn’t what it used to be — a conscientious effort to build up a good track record of excellent service or product. No, in today’s marketing world, the key is to fuck up accidentally on purpose. …

Hit song by an unsigned urban country singer — I’ve been selling my soul workin all day Overtime hours for bullshit pay So I can sit here in Brooklyn wasting my life away In that Lena-Dunham-in-Girls kinda way It's a damn shame what the world’s gotten to For girls like me and girls like you Wish I could wake…

Is anybody coming to rescue me? Huh? Huh? — Maybe you heard about this cave explorer Mark Dickey who was way down a cave in Turkey when he started bleeding internally. Suddenly there was a big to-do. An international rescue operation. Global media attention. Everyone was so worried about Dickey down a cave. Why? Hmm, lemme guess. Because he’s…

I don’t even know her name but she’s awesome — She’s living off the grid in a cabin made of bamboo that she built with her bare hands She went into the forest without power tools. Of course there is no electricity in those lands She cut down the bamboo with a hand saw and drilled it with a manual…

Imagine he is a dildo with a body attached to it — Usually, the man does all the thrusting. Sometimes you both thrust, right? But have you ever tried doing all the pelvic thrusting and completely using the man’s penis like a living, warm dildo? I know that sounds weird. But it’s actually really exciting for the guy — at least that’s…