Humor: Announcing Haven Cartoons #3: The Itty Bitty Titty Bra My small boobs get a big head!medium.com My First Italian Sausage Even more delicious than I had dreamed it would be!medium.com Are You and Your Boyfriend Arguing About When Your Anniversary Is? Let me settle this for you right now.medium.com Mama Bear’s Amazing Reaction to Man Saving Her Cubs You won’t believe this amazing clickbait — I mean, story!medium.com

We finally reveal the secret they’ve been trying to hide by sleeping on their sides — They thought we wouldn’t notice. Ha. We noticed. We found them out. Side sleepers, beware, we know the truth. Watch out. We’re side sleeper whistleblowers Don’t even try to scare us or threaten us or blackmail us, sidesleepers. We are protected from retaliation by The Snooze-Youlose Act of 2002, which provides for both civil…

Kanye West, we need to talk. — Now if I fuck this model And she just bleached her asshole And I get bleach on my T-shirt I’mma feel like an asshole First of all, how would bleach get on your shirt? What is this, some kind of weird sex act that you do, rubbing your t-shirt in…

And now, I know what you’re thinking. I’m going to reveal myself to be a horrible person by insulting the looks of some famous people without makeup. What a hater, right? I mean, it’s really not socially acceptable to make a big deal out of people getting old, ugly, fat…

And man was it spicy! — I flew from Belgrade to Turkey because I just wanted to eat Turkish food for a week. Really, I knew nothing about Turkish food until I came to Italy, Germany, France and Austria. There are Turkish and Lebanese restaurants all over these places, and I fell in love with the…

That’ll probably work out great for ya! — Or not. I remember after I turned ten, my Mom started showing me grown-up movies she thought were hysterical. It was VHS days. We would go to Blockbuster and she would see all these movies I just had to see, because they were so funny. …

Take our quiz and see if you guys are actually going to make it through the end of our long national nightmare — Great news! Omicron is nothing but a cold! Bad news! It’s never going away ever! Great news! The pandemic might be ending. Bad news! The endemic by definition NEVER ENDS! Fine, but what does that mean about your relationship with you know who — that person you haven’t been able…

“I could see myself riding to work in one of these.” — King Willem-Alexander has said the Dutch royal family will refrain from using the Golden Coach until “the Netherlands is ready,” following accusations that the golden carriage was an emblem of colonialism and racism. “I’ll buy it,” said Dutchman Elon Musk. Oh, you didn’t know he was Dutch? …

You are simply moving your inspiration from one place — your head — to another — the page. — I consider myself a moving company. Or maybe a delivery company. I’m not exactly sure which is the more apt metaphor. So I’m going to use both. Uh oh. That’s actually verboten. It’s what we call a mixed metaphor. But I’m going to do it, because these writing rules are…