More great health and wellness tips from Christine — UPDATED FOR 2024!!! — Hello, lovely readers. Here is my next installment of health and wellness nonsense because, really, is there anything more nonsensical than the VERY SERIOUS? Of course, there is nothing more serious than health. Without it we’ve got nothing. So articles about health are really kind of like church. They just…

And also your weight and your favorite sex position. Take my quiz. See if I’m right. — Whether you’re from Back East, Out West, Down South or Overseas, Americans will agree each region of the country is very different from one another. *Yes, overseas is a region of the United States because we rule the world. Thank you. While Chicago and Lousiana enjoy different foods, and there…

Is it because women are so damn irresistible? — I’m always surprised when my female friends come to me uncomprehending of their boyfriend’s infidelity — how could he do this to me? Women are pretty sexy Well, as a bisexual woman, I have to say I understand exactly why a man finds it difficult to resist cheating with a woman, because women are…

Happy holiday season my beloved Haven writers and readers. I entered this great poetry contest — the prize is like 2,000 bucks. It seems pretty good. If you have some funny poems, take advantage. This organization has other contests for essays and fiction and stuff, and it’s pretty great. …

Break up the routine! — I know, it’s almost impossible to leave the house nowadays. I mean, why would you leave your cozy home? You can watch every movie ever made at the flip of a switch. You can listen to any song by simply saying “Alexa…” You can throw a log in the fire…

From the ministry of propaganda of the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea — When one hears about the United States, only two things are likely to come to mind immediately: nuclear weapons and Coke. Not much else is known about the North American country, even by the world’s most press. Why? Because the country’s capitalist leadership prefers it that way. But our great…

But if you want to know which of my in-laws I f**king hate, you will have to read the Dutch translation of my memoir — I had no intention of revealing the name of the person in my family who really pisses me off and who I can’t stand and who has triggered me and hurt my feelings on more occasions than I care to discuss, and who really sucks but everybody else seems to…

I saw this article today and it gave me pause. — I have to admit, that woman has the most extraordinarily beautiful eyes. But you know, that’s just a makeup trick. Try using shimmer eye shadow, it’s awesome. Here’s a video tutorial. The model in that article is probably Russian, not sure. But one of the most beautiful women I…

GIve him the MINDBLOW! — Is the “Mindblow” real or is it just a myth that you created, Christine Stevens? I can attest that the “Mindblow” is very real, and if you follow these instructions very carefully, and you do exactly as you say, you will totally blow your man’s mind. Like, I’m talking, men…