And he stumbles upon the monomyth

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Joseph Campbell’s wife went on his laptop to order groceries from Instacart and found his porn star Casting video.

“Joey! Get in here! You’ve been watching porn, you pervert! What is this porn star casting website? Huh?”

Mr. Campbell red-faced, came into his office and tried to explain.

“I was conducting research,” he began, “Porn star casting, that’s actually a perfect example of the hero’s journey.”

She looked at him skeptically.

THE PORN CASTING

“You see, dear,” he went on, bravely. “The beginning of a porn casting video follows the first three stages of the hero’s journey, which I’ve identified in most stories…


Am I impossible to get along with?

Photo by Franck V. on Unsplash

I had an awesome sex robot. His name was Joel. Then he broke. “I’m breaking up with you, Christine,” he said.

“That’s impossible,” I explained. “I own you. You can’t break up with me.”

But he just ignored me and started packing his things into boxes. I tried to get the company to come and fix him but they said my warranty period had expired. I should have bought the extended warranty! Damn. Man did he cost me.

Male robots are expensive


With their male gaze and their dismissal of women as mere objects of their roguish desire

Photo by Sharon Christina Rørvik on Unsplash

If I wrote like you the boomers or their dads of the supposed “greatest generation”, I imagine it would raise your hackles something fierce. I guess they call that your male fragility. But anyhow, lemme take a stab at it and tell me what you think.

You Sexy Thing!


Take our test!

Photo by Quinn Buffing on Unsplash

Isn’t it awful when the Mister Right you just started dating suddenly reveals himself to not have the right stuff? When, for instance, he’s too stubborn to ask for directions and you get totally lost? And you realize for the first time that your boyfriend is in fact very weak, confused and out of his depth? Kind of a Richard II, you know, “the shadow of his sorrow has erased the shadow of his face?” He wasn’t attempting anything quite as grand as Richard, mind you. …


And go absolutely cuckoo for you during sex.

Photo by Vitor Pinto on Unsplash

Are you frustrated that you haven’t found the one? Are women not falling head over heels for you? Do women seem held back, and blocked from expressing their complete and utter passion for you?

Have you:

— blamed your hotness level, and decided maybe you’re not handsome and sexy enough?

— blamed your physique, and decided you’re too thin or too fat? Too short or too tall?

— blamed your bank account and decided you’re not rich enough?

— blamed your lack of a job and decided you’re not employed enough?

— blamed your Hyundai Elantra, one of the cheapest…


The Angry Scientist— Boy, He Gets Pretty Riled Up

Don’t believe the hype about acai, blueberries, or anything for that matter. Food is food FFS.

The Angry Scientist (Adobe)

I saw another article about super food. This writer eats this super food because he’s a super guy. And he’s really healthy and he will live forever thanks to super food!

Yeah, thanks for ruining my day, dumbass. Once again, I am reminded that I am marooned here on a ship of fools surrounded by a bunch of dumbasses who don’t know shit from Shinola about anything and are willing to believe almost anything that sounds shiny and fun. Like a super food!

You have to understand the life of a cell. Please watch this video and educate yourself. …


No, it’s not just like riding a bike. You have forgotten almost everything.

That’s some dang fine pandemic hair there dude, so glad you right swiped me! Photo by Valentina Giarre on Unsplash

Preparing for the Date:

  1. Shower. It won’t hurt you, honestly. Put your hand in there. You feel that? It’s water. It’s nice. OK, now pick up the soap. No, it won’t get in your eyes. And even if it does, you can use a towel. But it’s not your face we’re worried about so much. We’ve got to get that soap into your nether regions, and fast. Because you know what — there’s a lot going on in those nether regions. Too much!
  2. Use some deodorant. Like an entire thing of deodorant. Spray it until you can’t even see. Stand in the cloud of…


Not to be ageist or anything, but c’mon Granny, get hip!

Photo by Repent of Your Sins & Seek Lord Jesus on Unsplash

Dressing when you are over 50 does not mean losing your personal style. Women should be encouraged to dress in a way that makes them look confident — not gross and horrible. However, for many people over 50, picking out decent clothes is challenging, especially when they’ve lost that youthful appearance. We encourage everyone to embrace their age, and we are against ageism in any shape or form. We are just here to help you, Granny, really.

Here’s what you need to stop wearing. Like right now.

10. Granny Panties


Maybe we need to be less “full of mind”, not more

Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

Now that the pandemic is ending, the mindfulness meditation classes are starting up again.

I really haven’t missed them, TBH, because I’m like the least mindful person ever. I’m a ditz, klutz, and any other word you can think of that ends in tz. My mindfulness is on the fritz. I keep thinking of eating a blintz. This mindfulness teacher’s a putz. See, instead of being mindful I’ve wasted the first five minutes of this class trying to think of words that end it tz.

I told my new friend Todd61 in the mindfulness room in Clubhouse , “I’m a…

Christine Stevens

Funny lady, writer of satire and sex, proud Californian, language doctor and lover of Medium!

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