Member-only story
Humerotica
Making Omelettes For Women Should Be Illegal
It removes consent — what woman can resist a man who successfully flips an egg?
So I really wasn’t into this guy Carlos whom I dated a couple times. Then I went over to his house to break up with him. I don’t like to do that via text or voicemail — it’s cruel. So I showed up at his house unannounced. I said, “Hey Carlos, can I come in, we need to chat?”
He let me in, and before I could get started he told asked me if I was hungry. I admitted I was a little peckish.
“Let me make you an omelette,” he said.
As I sat there at the kitchen counter I felt myself falling into a trance — my free will vanishing with every sexy move Carlos made in the kitchen.
There was something about the way he cracked the first egg with one hand, making sure to look up at me slyly before cracking the second one — a little more forcefully. I giggled. That’s because I’m an idiot, I guess. Or maybe it’s more sinister than that.
Omelette-making reduces the IQ of the female watching the man. I felt my intelligence quotient dropping five points more as he began the whisking.
