“The Ability to Suck Own Dick” Rated Number One Wish For Males

Ability to give self cunnilingus not even in top one hundred for females

Photo by Pavel Kalenik on Unsplash

My boyfriend has taken up doing Zoom yoga classes. Me, I hate stretching, but he loves it. I swear it’s because he wants to be able to suck his own dick, even though he denies it.

I recently read that according to a Quinnipiac poll of American males, being able to suck their own dick was their greatest wish, just ahead of the second most popular wish, which of course was “three more wishes.” Smart, these males, aren’t they?

But nature is even smarter. In its infinite wisdom, nature chose not to bestow human males with the flexibility to lick their own genitalia. Yet it freely gave this ability to many other species. Have you watched your pet dog do it? Yes, you have. And did that pet dog give you a nice wet kiss later? He probably did. Gross!

But thanks to nature, men were able to concentrate on other useful activities, like inventing the wheel. I mean, picture a couple of ancient Brits, in the age of Druidry, who happened to be able to give themselves blowjobs.

One suggests, “I know what, let’s go drag a bunch of hundred-ton rocks from South Wales all the way over here and build a circle to celebrate the solstice…